| www.siberianzebra.blogspot.com
i'd appreciate if you came through over there and let me know if i'm still relevant.
thanks.
|
| |
| 1:55 AM
Hear me out on this one. I know I can't be the only one,
but it damn sure feels that way. Now every time I think about the
"relationships" and all the bullshit I endure, and whenever people ask
me how my love life goes, I can't seem to escape the same answer: I'm
falling in love with nothings while not acknowledging the people who
may love me.
I'm a firm believer of the concept that you attract
and naturally gravitate towards people who reflect pieces of yourself.
This may be a prime reason why I find myself not taking into account
the people who are willing to engage into something serious with me,
because I don't quite see me in them (sadly, pun is acceptable). They
don't possess traits I recognize, or their traits don't carry appeal
because its something I'm not familiar with and I may not be able to
recognize the benefits in those traits. Oddly enough, those just may be
the girls who are just who I need to stabilize my being. Sometimes
though, shit is just too easy. Too little is required of me for vast
rewards that many of my friends often ?_? @ me about for not taking
advantage of. Sometimes, I am victim of finding more thrill in the
uncertainty of the dating stage than the stability of a relationship.
And this is something that is actually retarded in theory because to
overlook stability is to undervalue solid ground. Its like playing
football without a line of scrimmage. Maybe I think I'm more attractive
than I really am.
Narcissism - a doctrine that individual self-interest is the motive of all conscious action action; a superfluous love of one's self
Its
challenging to figure out why I fall in love with the same girl over
and over again. Ambitious, artistic, charming, selfish, and full of
hollow sentiments (just to be brief). It almost seems as if a lot of
the times when I "fall" for someone, they're indeed extensions of
myself. Its minimal actuality, mixed with extreme hope/imagination and
the result is me making so much more out of shit than it actually is,
and it disappearing without a trace before I know it. Its like some
indirect form of narcissism, seeing that I fall in love with people for
reminding me of me. But is it their relationship that I value more so
than it is them being an accurate mirror to portray my being? Maybe I
love myself to the extent where I'll stop at nothing to permeate that
expression. Maybe I'm just making up some elaborate reasoning for all
in all having shitty taste in women. who the fuck knows.
Either
way, I've almost been single for two years now, and who can I blame
other than myself? Yeah, if Girl X hadn't have bullshitted me this
statistic would be a bit different, but I still should have had the
intuition to not take Girl Y seriously if she shows similar signs to
all of the people in the past that I've loved the most and been loved
by the least. It still boils down to me. Or maybe statements like the
previous sentence is the reason I'm writing shit like this at damn near
3 in the morn.
2:43 AM |
| |
| rest in peace dilla.
(in effect tomorrow)
|
| |
| this is not a poem. this is not a short story. this may not even be for you to read. this is just some shit thats been burning my mind lately.
do you fuck him to run from me, or because thats what you'd want to do regardless of my position in your life?
because i guess he was so thorough, i became expendable. but you was on my dick for 2 years?
bitch pleez.
|
| |
| today was pretty. the sun beamed down so bright, i almost thought it was spring...until i walked outside and remembered REAL QUICK. that has nothing to do with nothing...but seriously you've been on my mind. i mean thats nothing new but, i actually miss you. you fall into me so...naturally. its as if it was of me true nature to feel for you. thats quite a claim, but it feels true. i don't know the truth just yet, but you sound so familiar to me. you feel so epic...maybe its the thrills of infatuation but i've seen you four times and we've only been alone once? there's an air of beauty to you. i find god in myself, but i keep finding myself through you. pieces of me are littered throughout your mind. you liberate me...
i say all these nice sounding things to you because i'm thankful. i've (re)gained a sense of purpose. i feel like i mean something (even though i NEVER believe the hype), because i value your mind. you impress me, inspire me...you rearrange my sense of reality. if i hadn't met you, would i be depressed? no. i wouldn't even have gave a fuck...but you've given me a reason to risk myself to all sorts of pain...
...because you are my greatest pleasure.
[12-18-07]
silly me.
|
| |
